Harshvardhan to pause studies and watch Pornhub

The 2016 Uri attack was an attack by four heavily armed terrorists on 18 September 2016, near the town of Uri in the Indian-administered state of Jammu and Kashmir. In a retaliatory attack, Indian Armed Forces have crossed LOC for the first time and neutralised Pakistani terror launchpads eliminating 38 terrorists. 2 pakistani soldiers were also injured who were trying to associate with the militants.


After the Uri attack Prime Minister Mr. Narendra Modi has expressed deepest condolences to the families of the martyrs. As usual the Home Minister was busy preparing curry for ninda. (He specialises in curry ninda. One student Master Harshvardhan in a letter to the Prime Minister has promised to study for three hours more in order to contribute to the nation. He expressed that he was aghast seeing how the Indian Armed Forces soldiers were killed by terrorists and believes that studying more will benefit the nation.







As a overwhelming response, Mr. Ratan Bata, Fukesh Ambani, Aditya Sarla, many industrialists lined up to offer Harshvardhan a promising job which will enlighten his career and help the nation. The Indianness of Mr. Modi kicked in and he in his next session of "Mann ki Waat" asked Harshvardhan for a progress report.





A happy Harshvardhan, after India's retaliatory attack, has asked for to resume studies and watch Pornhub. He claimed that merely because of him studying more has developed the nation so much that it encouraged an attack across the LOC. After relentless studies, Harshvardhan says that he is tired so he will go and watch Pornhub. He hasn't commented anything on his desire to disclose the genre he likes. His move has incited Sharma Ji Ka Launda to study for more than four hours as a result of competition. Sharma Ji Ka Launda asserted that on completion of his B. Tech degree, India will win World War V

Top 10 Ways In Which Narendra Modi Can Kill Arvind Kejriwal

Psycopathic Chief Minister of Delhi  Arvind Kejriwal has declared today that Prime Minister Narendra Modi might even go to the extent of killing him, in the days to come.

CNI tried looking at the top 10 ways in which Narendra Modi can actually kill Arvind Kejriwal:

10. Modi will run his plane over Arvind Kejriwal’s Wagon R

9. Put beef in Kejriwal’s refrigerator and inform Bajrang Dal

8. Ban ‘Dharnas’ at Jantar Mantar. Arvind Kejriwal will die of sorrow

7. Arrest Kejriwal and put him in Tihar jail; will serve him Lauki ki sabzi for 15 days

6. Blow away Arvind Kejriwal with Modi Wave

5. Ban movie theatres in Delhi; Kejriwal will die of boredom

4. Ban Twitter in India

3. Stop the manufacturing of medicines for cough

2. Lock Arvind Kejriwal in a room with Subramanian Swamy

1. Inform Shivraj Singh Chouhan that Arvind Kejriwal knows about Vyapam Scam

If you were Narendra Modi, which methods would you adopt for killing Arvind Kejriwal?

Why did Katappa kill Baahubali?

2015 का सबसे बड़ा सवाल:-
कटप्पा ने बाहुबली को क्यों मार?
कुछ जवाब:-
1.क्युकी बाहुबली के पास व्यापम घोटाले के सबूत थे।
2.बाहुबली ने कटप्पा से पूछ लिया था 'की मेलोडी इतनी चॉकलेटी क्यों है?'
3.योगराज:- बाहुबली को कटप्पा ने नहीं धोनी ने मारा है, मैंने अपनी आँखों से देखा है।
4.क्युकी बाहुबली ने अपने महल में सौचालय नहीं बनवाया था।
5.क्युकी बाहुबली ने कटप्पा के मोबाइल को OLX में बेच दिया था, उसने उसी का बदला लिया।
6.बाहुबली लगातार कटप्पा को candy crush की request भेजता था।
7.क्युकी बाहुबली से बार बार मांगने पर भी वो कटप्पा को livon hair gain ला के नहीं दे रहा था।
8.क्युकी बाहुबली ने कटप्पा से कहा था 'Engineering कर लो बहुत स्कोप है।'
9.बाहुबली बचपन में पहले बैटिंग कर के भाग गया था।
10.बाहुबली ने कटप्पा के लोटे में छेन्द कर दिया था, अब बताओ आपातकाल में भी ऐसा मजाक कोई करता है क्या।

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Funny Leone launches Fappy Bird after Flappy Bird was taken down

We all are aware of the pretty addictive but frustrating game Flappy Bird. It required the user to continuously tap the screen to keep the bird flying. Extreme caution was supposed to be exercised while playing to avoid hitting the pipes. On February 8, 2014, Nguyen(The creator of the game) announced on Twotter that the game was to be removed from both Guava's App Store and Foogle Play. It was subsequently removed and it is now no longer available for download.


Minutes after the removal of the game from, a notoriously infamous actress Funny Leone launched another game "Fappy Bird". The game developer boasted of a million downloads in few hours of the launch.

Funny Leone Twooted about Fappy Bird




The game is available in two versions, the free one and the paid one. The free one was available for download free of cost. The users were provided an interface with no wallpaper. It had very few options and the game levels were very difficult. Users needed to continuously tap the screen to make the bird fap at 69  taps a minute. No addons were available in the free version which added to the difficulty of the game. Lowering the rate would keep the bird unsatisfied subsequently ending the game. On the other hand the paid version was available for download at $69 only. The paid version had a very ugly and non-seductive wall paper of Funny Leone which scared the shit out of the users. This version also required the users to tap the screen at 69 taps a minute to keep the bird fapping. Addons such as viagra and hakim suleman's(yes, the same one whose adverts are seen on the topmost side of the inner walls of Mumbai Locals) performance booster pills, Funny Leone DVDs and Videos were available to boost the scores.

This game was reviewed by various gamers and engineers. The critics were not only pleased, they in fact started fapping as soon as they downloaded the game.


Fappy Bird Reviews


What the fap are you waiting for? Download the game and start fapping.

Azam Khan's buffaloes found in Kolkata

A wave of insecurity swept across Uttar Pradesh when the news that Azam Khan's buffaloes were stolen came to light. According to Azam Khan, he spent a restless night right before the morning when he discovered that the buffaloes were stolen. He added that he used to go grazing with buffaloes everyday. He disclosed that the fresh green grass soaked in mist was the source of his highly intelligent brain. He claimed that the buffaloes were his best friends and they were with him in all his times. He spent most of his time with his buffaloes. Absence of his colleagues highly disheartened him from going grazing which in turn reflected in dropping of his IQ.

The buffaloes were stolen from the minister's highly secured underground cowshed facility in the farmhouse. The robbers cut the thick titanium chains to gain access to the compound. The marks on the cut titanium are that of the almost indestructible metal alloy Adamantium. This leaded the cops to suspect Logan, the Wolverine is the thief. It however turned to be a wrong allegation when it was found that Logan was not present at the crime scene, he was delivering lectures to the students in the School For The Gifted. Within minutes after the report, a massive search operation was initiated following the orders of Azam Khan. The constables and the inspector who was in charge of the farmhouse cowshed were suspended for failing in securing the buffaloes. Right from constables to IPS officers were engaged in the operation. The dedicated team worked for 25 hours a day, 8 days a week to search for the buffaloes. The search lasted for several days. The search was however in vain. Owing to that fact that the buffaloes were having high IQ, Azam Khan urged that the search operation should be extended to the neighbouring states. Following the minister's order, the search operation extended to Madhya Pradesh, Chhatisgarh, Bihar and West Bengal. After days of restless search the buffaloes were found in Kolkata. It was only then that everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

A private jet was reserved to bring the buffaloes back to home. The buffaloes were unhappy with the minister's decision. After their arrival, our media team reached the minister and sought permission to interview the buffaloes. On interviewing the buffaloes, we came to know their sad plight. They told us, "We were not stolen. We went to see Narendra Modi's rally. We were in fact, able to get the tickets for the rally but were forced to return home. We were jolted and were suffering from pagalhogayahumaimania ( a rare mental disorder that occurs after listening to pappu gandhi's interviews and speeches). The only cure was listening to Modi's speech. Not only humans but we buffaloes along with all animals support Narendara Modi and we want to see him as the next Prime Minister."


Azam Khan thanked the cops and the suspended constables and the inspector were reinstated. After coming back to duty, the cops were seen happy. They thanked the minister and awarded him the 'Sadma Bhushan" award for keeping up with the tyranny and misuse of power.

एवढीच विनंती आहे देवा!

परवा भेटला बाप्पा, जरा वैतागलेला वाटला
"दोन क्षण दम खातो", म्हणून माझ्या घरी टेकला

"उंदीर कुठे पार्क करू? लॉट नाही सापडला"
मी म्हटले "सोडून दे, आराम करू दे त्याला"

"तू पण ना देवा, कुठल्या जगात राहतोस?
मर्सिडीजच्या जमान्यात सुद्धा उंदरावरून फिरतोस?"

"मर्सिडीज नाही, निदान nano तरी घेऊन टाक
तमाम देव मंडळींमध्ये थोडा भाव खाऊन टाक"

"इतक्या मागण्या पुरवताना जीव माझा जातो
भक्तांना खुश करेपर्यंत खूप खूप दमतो"

"काय करू आता माझ्याने manage होत नाही
पूर्वीसारखी थोडक्यात माणसे खुशही होत नाहीत"

"immigration च्या requests ने system झालीये hang
तरीदेखील संपत नाही भक्तांची रांग"

"चार-आठ आणे देऊन काय काय मागतात
माझ्याकडच्या files नुसत्या वाढतच राहतात"

"माझं ऐक तू कर थोडं थोडं delegation
management च्या theory मध्ये मिळेल तुला solution"

"M.B.A. चे फंडे कधी शिकला नाहीस का रे?
Delegation of Authority कधी ऐकलंच नाहीस का रे?"

"असं कर बाप्पा एक Call Center टाक
तुझ्या साऱ्या दूतांना एक-एक region देऊन टाक"

"बसल्याजागी कामं होतील, तुझी धावपळ नको
परत जाऊन कुणाला, दमलो म्हणायला नको"

माझ्या साऱ्या युक्त्यांनी बाप्पा खुश झाला
"एक वर देतो बक्षीस, माग हवं ते म्हणाला"

"CEO ची position, Townhouse ची ownership
immigration देखील होईल झटपट, मग duel citizenship"

मी हसलो उगाच, "म्हटलं खरंच देशील का सांग?"
अरे मागून तर बघ, थोडी देणार आहे टांग?

"पारिजातकाच्या सड्यामध्ये हरवलेलं अंगण हवं
सोडून जाता येणार नाही, असं एक तरी बंधन हवं"

"हवा आहे परत माणसातला हरवलेला भाव
प्रत्येकाच्या मनात थोडा मायेचा शिडकाव"

"देशील आणून मला माझी हरवलेली नाती?
नेशील मला परत जिथे आहे माझी माती?"

"इंग्रजाळलेल्या पोरांना थोडं संस्कृतीचं लेणं
आई-बापाचं कधीही न फिटणारं देणं?"
"कर्कश्श वाटला तरी हवा ढोल-ताशांचा गर्जार
भांडणारा असला तरी चालेल, पण हवा आहे शेजार"

"यंत्रवत होत चाललेल्या माणसाला थोडं आयुष्याचं भान
देशील का रे देवा, यातलं एक तरी दान?"

"तथास्तु" म्हणाला नाही, बाप्पा नुसता सोंडेमागून हसला सारं हाताबाहेर गेलंय पोरा, "सुखी रहा" म्हणाला......!!!

Arnab Goswami behind the bars for child molestation

A saddening and shocking incident occurred right after Arnab Goswami interviewed Mr. Pappu Gandhi on his exclusive show "Frankly Shut Up". Yes, this is true.  Arnab Goswami is in some state of mind that cannot be defined. Arnab was enthusiastically interviewing the fature praim menaceister of some country, Mr. Pappu Gandhi. It was though unclear why Arnab was arrested merely for interviewing a VIP. Our team decided to dig into the facts and they found out why this happened.

Given that the interview was no difficult than a job interview, Pappu came prepared with answers as dictated by his mother Tonia Gandhi and Shakuni Mama with his guide Pigvijay Singh and Mentor Kapil Notsibal. Pappu claimed that this was the most difficult interview he ever appeared for. This was a notable interview for Arnab as he was going to ask questions directly to the greatest political scion. However things didn't go as planned. Although Pappu remembered all the answers for the interview, he failed at keeping up at the question numbers resulting which he spat out answers to the wrong questions. Arnab realised that Pappu does not know the answers but his interrogative instinct didn't stop him from questioning Pappu. In fact, he increased the difficulty of questions following which Pappu started crying and chanting his mother's name. The editor, cameraman, spotboys, and the crew on the set asserted that Pappu's cries were audible. Mango people from Pappu's political party were enraged on knowing that inspite of Pappu's innocence and oblivion, Arnab kept asking him questions. The final outcome was Pappu coming out of the Times Then studio hiding his face with bare hands and yelling, "Mai kisi ko muh dikhane layak nahi rahi" (I can never face anyone now).



Disgusted by this, Tonia Gandhi immediately called on for his lawyer and ordered him to get Arnab sued for child molestation and outraging his modesty. An immediate action was taken wherein Arnab Goswami was arrested for multiple charges under section 347 and 354 of IPC ( Indian Pardon Code) for child molestation and outraging someone's modesty. Every criminal denies the accusations levied and so did Arnab. Arnab told us, "Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever regard such accusations as true. I'll fight against this and the day I bail out, I will destroy Pappu's reputation to the extent of deporting him to the planet where he came from.", also disclosing a closely guarded secret that Pappu is an alien. He also added, "Arvind Kejriwal, I will also invite you to my show. You better prove that you did graduate from ITI."

Human Right Activist Teekha Salad has claimed that this is a highly horrifying incident that has shocked the entire nation. She insisted that Arnab Goswami has tried to vocally rape "Desk Ka Beta" by asking him difficult questions. NASA(Satyanash) activists and researchers are demanding that Arnab and Pappu should be handed over to their custody in order to study further regarding aliens and the voice of Arnab Goswami which is loud enough to reach aliens hundreds and thousands and billions and gazillions of light and sound years away from the planet Vyarth.

This incident has left all of us in shock as Times Then would not be able to broadcast their highly infamous shows, "Nation does not want to know" and "Frankly Shut Up". Arnab's absence has left a gap in the schedule of Times Then which they are deciding to fill up by airing the adverts of Sandhi Sudha.



Many more truths to be uncovered. Stay tuned with Psycho Sarkeshwar.

Bhaukaal Baba with Comedian Superjatin
Psycho Sarkeshwar
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